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Savvy Shopping
| Article
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13855 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
Date : |
12 / 1988 |
1,752 Words |
| Author
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Michael Krondl
Michael Krondl is a free-lance writer currently translating
and adapting a collection of Czech and Moravian folktales for
publication. His adaptation of the story "The Night Watch"
was first published in the December 1988 issue of the Canadian
magazine Saturday Night. |
The scene is familiar: Thousands of people are milling around you, laden with weights that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger proud, their frantic eyes searching for another item to add to their burden. You are assaulted on all sides by slickly groomed young men and women with vampire smiles who threaten to spray you with the noxious liquids they hold in little vials. You ride up and down endless escalators past miles of racks of the latest craze in skateboard wear that Junior simply can't do without—until two months from now, that is. Finally as you throw up your arms in despair, vowing never to repeat this experience, you find that you cannot get out—the escalators only go up. You must first pass through the ties-for-your-father-in-law department and then, just as you are about to see the light of day, you must make a final turn through the gold-chains-Aunt-Millie-can't-do-without department.
A nightmare vision of some deranged psychopath, you say? No, simply an average day at a major department store between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Yet would you still venture into this melee? Perhaps the best advice is not to. Do your Christmas shopping in June, or at least in October. Save your Christmas cheer for your nephew rather than wasting it on a surly salesperson at Bloomingdale's. But let's be realistic. Except for your neighbor down the street—who devotes the weeks before the holidays to baking tooth-chipping cookies from ancient family recipes—most of the rest of us shop when everyone else does. Thus it's a good idea to know how department stores operate, if only to give you confidence as you begin the awesome task of the modern
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