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Fatherhood Then and Now
| Article
# : |
17717 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
Date : |
6 / 1990 |
1,994 Words |
| Author
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William Sayres
William Sayres is professor of education and family and
community life at Columbia University Teachers College in New
York. |
The oldest of my children is over thirty and my youngest is under ten. For me, the generation gap between them represents a world of difference between fatherhood then and fatherhood now. It all began with the birth of my firstborn.
At the birth of my first child, I was a waiting-room outcast, separated from my wife, who was moved from a clinically traditional hospital labor room to the delivery room and, finally, to a maternity-floor room down the hall from the room where the newborn babies were kept. I knew nothing of what was going on during the many hours that passed before I was permitted to see my wife again and my son for the first time. What did I do? I behaved like the stereotypical expectant father from sitcoms of those years. I paced the floor, smoked countless cigarettes even though I did not usually smoke, kept looking at the clock, leafed through old magazines without understanding what I was reading, and practically pounced on any nurse who came through the door with news that always seemed to be for someone else. It was a lonely, anxious, miserable experience.
At the birth of my youngest child, I was there with my wife in a homelike "birthing room" throughout the labor and delivery. I helped her with here breathing exercises, timed the contractions and the intervals between them, fed her ice chips, rubbed her shoulders when she asked, and otherwise was just there. What I did was less important than the encouragement and support my being there conveyed. When our daughter was ready to make her entrance, I watched her emerge into the world and into her mother's waiting arms. Soon it was my turn to hold her, cuddle her, and give her first warm, gentle bath. We were never separated from her, and after our pediatrician
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